HILL BABIES: 2011 in Retrospect

Certain unhappy times

Greasy Seasonings!! You’ve been given the present no one can turn down, a delightfully impersonal blog posting--yes! This one comes from the kid behind Hill Babies. Instead of a bow-tied present, I'm presenting you with my goings-on! Who doesn’t want to read about a year in the life of a toddler? Grab the eggnog and hide the scissors, this year was full of fun. Have a lovely holiday, however you celebrate it, but don’t forget: axial tilt is the reason for the season! Love, G.

1 Baby + 2 Parents = Dearth of Friends

January—My parents throw a party for the New Year, and I’m bored to tears. I’m the only kid. What’re they thinking? Kid=family dog? Never! I'm sad that my best hiking friends, Henry and Iris, are leaving San Francisco. My parents take me on quiet hikes—I love the outdoors, the sunshine, and the smell of trees. But I have so few friends…

Friendship at the old toxic dump

February—Mom posts an ad online saying something like ANYBODY NUTS ENOUGH TO WALK ACROSS SAN FRANCISCO WITH A BABY? Lo and behold, there’s a passel of these moms. Suddenly, I have FRIENDS! Tabby, Maggie, Ella, Fiona, Leo, Georgia, and I rule the city—crawling and staggering from craggy, windswept Corona Heights, to the coyote haunt and hawk home of Glen Canyon, to the bird-filled flatlands of Heron’s Head in Hunter’s Point. Every time we meet, it’s a party in the sun.

Born to win

Gunslinger in a slot canyon

March—The coup de grace for the month is going to Las Vegas. I pig out at the buffet trough, throw tantrums for pie, and get dazzled by the lights. My folks have the nerve to find me a babysitter when Mom goes off to read a story somewhere (how DARE she not read it to me). On the best of days, I tromp about the springtime desert, exploring Red Rocks and the Valley of Fire. Before heading home, I ruthlessly poop on the rug of the casino-hotel.

The miracle of a wristwatch

Miz Lise of Vis Valley's Story Time

April—My first painting is done on ceramic pigs, and I make one for Grammy and Grandpa, and another for Tutu. Family folk, Peter and Rozell, come over for dinner. Rozell’s taken by me, and I’m taken by Peter’s wristwatch. How DOES it work? Other April highlights include “story times” at San Francisco libraries—I’m amazed by the silly adults who wear fuzzy duckling puppets on their fingers and whoop it up. I also ride on a bicycle for the first time, cruising through Golden Gate Park! It’s a blast!

Swinging with Grammy

May—What a lovely month: flowers blooming in the garden, bike rides on the coast, and outings with my buddies. Grammy and I don our biggest floppy sunhats and have a date at the San Francisco Zoo, Mom trailing in our wake. My parents throw a summer party, and thank god, there are guests my size and age, including new friends, Emily and Seamus, drinking milk and causing riots.

The first snowstorm of the year

The Big and the Little G

June—Get ready for THIS: I take a road trip to Oregon with my buddy Tabby, and on June 1^st we’re caught in a SNOWSTORM in the California mountains. Double wow!! By the next day, the sun is shining and I’m hiking through hobo camps in the woods. Up in Portland I see my namesake, Big Genevieve, and Mom’s cousins, Henry and his new wife, Loretta. Good times, but don’t ask me about the barbecue! (I learned the meaning of the word HOT. No fun.)

Punk rock wedding

Mississippi wandering

July—Things are getting HOT: the Marin County Fair (do I smell cow pies?), a punk rock wedding in Virginia City, Nevada where I dress up in cowgirl finery and shake my rump, and a jaunt to Mississippi. We head to Ole Miss where the nights are balmy and lit with fireflies, and come daytime, I snarffle through massive plates of BBQ, sweat like a hog in the Southern heat, and have a tantrum outside William Faulkner’s home.

English Channel summer

August—I fly to JOLLY OLD ENGLAND, where straight off this ginger-haired boy woos me with sweets and ice cream as my parents drink at a pub. The folks and I head to Brighton where I meet two new friends, Joel and Ellis. We explore real castles and ancient battlegrounds, stumble across shingle beaches to the FREEZING English Channel, get backstage at the Royal Pavilion, climb Devil’s Dyke and hike on top of chalky cliffs, visit Roman ruins at Bath, and get lost in Leatherhead. I have a BRILLIANT time.

In the fish tunnel

September—School starts for me: part-time daycare at San Francisco State University. (I am that smart.) My old parents take me hiking in Marin, but my favorite hike is in Tilden Park with my friends. On another great day I visit the aquarium at Pier 39, which is awesome, but keep me away from the snip-snapping CRABS!

Turning TWO!

October—Hang on to your horses! I’m turning TWO! My party is a smashing success, and someone spins rockabilly tunes so me and my buds can do the watoosi and the hand-jive! I also have new friends, Naglis and Smelte. One day I ride the MUNI bus to Chinatown with my buddies, where I refuse to eat dim sum. I see a strange performance at the De Young Museum one night, party hard at my cousin Kekoa’s birthday, and toodle around the city on hikes. Awesome month!!

Puppy love

November—We drive to Los Angeles so Mom can read another of her interminable stories, and I fall in love with a gregarious and handsome young man named Jacob. He gives me my first toothbrush. We even bathe together, but don’t ask ‘cause I won’t tell! I meet two other boys in LA, August and Max. I’m like the belle at the ball, but my heart (and bellybutton) is for Jacob. Back in SF, my parents try to indoctrinate a leftist agenda on my impressionable self by having me serve soup at the local Occupy movement. Well I insist on being fed, too. We also ride in Critical Mass, a huge posse of renegade bicyclists that take over the SF streets and make a hullabaloo. November is such a full month, my mind is a-whirl … or is it puppy love?

No dental tools in my mouth

December—Every time I brush my teeth, I ask for Jacob. To my consternation, I am given my first dental appointment. Indeed, I bite a couple fingers. I walk out of that office like a bandit with a new teddy bear, two toothbrushes (one for Jacob?), and a kid-sized toothpaste bottle. WHO do THEY think they’re fooling? I will not go down easy.

The month is halfway over, but there’s some event called the Winter Solstice coming up, and I hear I might get buck-naked and dance around a Yule Log, howling like a tiny wolf. Yes, my hippie-at-heart parents are forsaking this other event they call “Christmas,” and so they’re bringing me to a cabin in the Oregon woods (and in the process breaking the hearts of my grandparents three, who I’ll dearly miss). But truth be told, I’m excited. I’ve never spent multiple days in the outdoors, I’ve only seen stars in picture books, and I have a new pair of snow boots. I’m hopeful for a grrrrreat ending to 2011—for YOU and ME BOTH! Let’s keep each other posted. Happy holidays!